Ain't that a shame that there ain't no magic in a formula
There are options to continually seeking the secrets to success
One of my clients recently shot his career lowest score, 76, during a high school tournament. His previous best was 79.
Of course, he was pretty happy about it.
We debriefed about the round, and I explained a process called anchoring that would help him call upon what he learned in future rounds.
As our chat wound down, he said he was playing the best golf of his life. Then he asked: “Hey coach, how do I keep this going?”
You can’t blame the young fellow. Isn’t that every golfer’s dream? To ascend to a new level?
When we find something in our game that “works,” we want to know the formula, bottle it, bring it out on command and get the results we want/crave.
When he asked his question, I was a little surprised by what popped out of my mouth.
“Don’t expect this run to continue,” I said. “If it does, great. But if not, don’t be surprised.”
Sheesh. What a downer, eh? Aren’t I Mr. Encouragement?
Perhaps I should have told him that before golf really and truly breaks his heart, he should quit the game and do something good for his future. Like join the school’s debating club.
A little shocked by my candour, I went philosophical and said we may rent golf for a short while, but we never own it. I even pulled out one of my fave Fred Shoemaker aphorisms that “golf is a mountain with no top.”
It’s a mercurial game. How many times have we witnessed a LPGA or PGA tour shoot 62 and follow it up with 75?
How many times have you gone to the range on, say, Friday afternoon to figure something out for Saturday morning’s game? After struggling for a while, you find a swing thought like “turn the left hip” that—oh joy, oh bliss—appears to work. You drive home excited that Saturday will be your first step to quitting your job and going on tour.
On Saturday morning, the magic is gone. Poof. The drive home is once again sullen and quiet. Dammit. And again, golf appears to be a grim unsolvable mystery.
A story comes to mind that isn’t directly related to golf but hang in there, please.
In university, I had a party at my apartment. I made two “comp” tapes that included lots of danceable post-punk-era stuff like Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag and I surprised folks with Motown nuggets like Ain’t Too Proud to Beg and 50’s gems like Ain’t That a Shame.
(* For readers of a certain age, a comp tape was a compilation of tunes recorded on actual tape housed in a device called a cassette. These were invented shortly after humans began carving words into stones.)
We danced like crazy, my friends loved my tapes, and I was pleased with myself—the brilliant host with impeccable musical taste.
Two weeks later, I made a new comp tape and invited most of the same people back for another party. There was no energy and most people left early. I followed my formula but the party was a dud. What the hell?
Over time, the best I could figure was that you can’t recreate a moment.
The mistake that we make—and I’ve made this one a kajillion times—is that we expect that a formula will deliver the payoff we desire and we will finally be happy, feel successful and, we hope, others will see us that way.
The payoff, although momentarily satisfying, is ephemeral. Here and gone. Getting a promotion, buying the dream car, or winning a tournament are all great, but the buzz is short-lived.
I remember posting a score during a run of great golf that sent my index to a new low of 5.3. My first thought was: “Can I get to a four?”
We all love the feeling of accomplishment when good things happen, but we don’t ascend to new and permanent levels of joy; most of the time, we want a higher high. And … our previous problems are still there, tugging at us like a terrier on our pant-leg.
Are you smiting your forehead, thinking, “Thanks pal you are a downer.” Yes, I have my moments.
That’s the point. I believe the greatest joy we feel is in the moment, when we’re in the act. Rather than thinking about what we’re doing, we’re just doing. We’re not trying. We’re witnessing.
In those moments, we feel like we’re in The Zone, like we were unconscious. That is, we’re not conscious of self, as in “I’m rocking it, I’ve arrived, I gotta keep this going.”
Notice the perpendicular pronoun: the I word which springs from the ego which wants to control everything, portray a positive image, be confident, and feel safe and happy like in fairy tales and movies.
But as we learn, the carriage turns back into a pumpkin. There is no happily ever after. That would be very boring. That’s why we move on to Stephen King, Margaret Atwood or Ernest Hemingway.
We never fully arrive. That sucks but it’s also the way we’re wired. We don’t know why, but we’re always moving on a path toward something. (I call it my North Star.) The tricky part is that we’re never sure we’re on the right path. That keeps us on our toes, awake, witnessing, evaluating, responding, learning, and making course adjustments.
As the cliché goes, it’s about the path, not the destination.
As I’ve experienced as a player and a coach, it’s easy to get tossed around on the stormy seas of our expectations and cravings and get thrown off course.
How do we keep our good golf going, or conversely stop the noise in our heads and shorten the cycles of bad golf?
To me, the people who seem most genuinely cheerful, sanguine and fairly even keeled most of the time have a purpose—a mission that’s bigger than numbers on a scorecard, or about the car they drive, or number of titles behind their name.
They also happen to be the people who ascend to high levels. Not always, but usually.
Rather than ask what’s the formula for “good golf” or how to be happy in your life, I invite you to ask yourself: “What’s my purpose?” A similar question is, “What is my mission?”
I’ll argue that in all parts of your life—and even in this infernal game of golf—that you’ll find something far more valuable and joyful than a formula.
I explore and explain processes for anchoring and determining your mission in my book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds available on Amazon.
If you have thoughts about anything you read in Up & Down, please post it in the comments section. Or if you wish, send me an email to tim@oconnorgolf.ca.
If you’ve ever considered mental game coaching, I’m inviting you to take the opportunity for a FREE 30-minute coaching call.
During this free session, we’ll discuss:
· What’s happening in your game?
· What are your objectives?
· What specifically makes you feel stuck?
· Identify actions and a plan that you help you get unstuck.
This FREE session will show you how to finally start moving forward.
To register for your free session, send an email to tim@oconnorgolf.ca.
Don’t miss your opportunity to get unstuck and develop your feeling of greatness!
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