Dear Golf Coach Guy: How do I deal with egregious etiquette violators?
Without resorting to shame or violence?
Dear Golf Coach Guy:
I know you’re not the Miss Manners of Golf, but I really don’t know who to turn to.
At my course, which is private (but it ain’t snooty), there’s a bunch of folks who seem oblivious to golf etiquette. The phrase seems as quaint as grandma’s bedspread, but when golf etiquette is ignored I want to plant a wedge in someone’s forehead.
Most people know to keep quiet and say ‘nice shot,’ but they don’t do the little things that you’re supposed to do—you know … like fix freaking ball marks and rake the damn bunkers. I mean … come on! Isn’t this what golfers do?
It also makes me crazy that people almost drive their carts on tees, and way to close to greens just to save a few steps.
I don’t want to be the fusspot hall monitor at the club, but I also want to protect the course, and I don’t really want to see what a 56-degree wedge can do to a forehead.
What’s the etiquette on getting golfers to practice etiquette?
Flustered Frank
Dear FF:
Boy, I know how you feel. GCG would rather stick a divot tool in his eyes than play the role of Dad reminding you not to eat with your elbows on the table. Besides, just like the Dad who pounds his fist into his palm to dramatize his homilies, he’s usually ignored.
Golf etiquette seems as modern as Sansabelt pants resplendent in colours not found in nature, but it’s still relevant: it gives everyone a fair chance of playing well and having a good time.
It’s strange. Most golfers know what they should do, but some decide not to act. I think some of them rationalize that’s what the golf course people are paid for, while others just don’t want to make the effort.
If you have the cojones to say, ‘It appears that you forgot to rake the bunker’ or ‘your ball mark need to be fixed,’ well, good for you. If the golfer takes offence, too damn bad. That’s his or her business. You spoke up for yourself—and the course. Besides, these are people you never want to play with again anyways.
But most people can’t speak up like that.
Ol’ GCG finds that the best approach is to, as the memes say, be the change you want to see in then world. Be a model golfer yourself who plays briskly, and parks his cart in the right spots.
You might even perform a bit. That is, you could go overboard by fixing numerous ball marks and tsk tsk 'those people’ who don’t. Make a show of replacing a divot and tell a story about the time your ball finished in a unfilled divot that was aimed at a lake.
If the offending non-raker is in a bunker, you could grab the rake and hand it to the cad as if you’re just being nice. Or if the miserable wretch fails to rake it, you do it … and overdo it.
Of course, you don’t have to be the course protector on your own. Recruit the key influencers at your course, especially the captains committees and the loud ones. (The staff do their best, but peers exert far more influence.)
Part of the spiel before tournament shotguns or Ladies Day and Men’s Night should include exhortations to take care of the course, but go further. That is, tell everyone that if you don’t take care of the course, someone in your group will remind you or do it for you. It’s a great incentive; no one wants to be publicly shamed (well, most people).
As for free-range carts coming too close to greens and tees, well-placed rope does a nice job. But your super needs the backing of your club’s key influencers.
It’s been my pleasure to share this correspondence with you about etiquette, and it’s my sincere wish that we exchange more cordial missives in the near future.
I remain yours, sincerely, Golf Coach Guy