How we perceive the world rarely matches what others see

Does the divide between the educated and the average person make us blind to what is real to others? Photo by Francisco Galarza on Unsplash.

Awareness and perception are big topics in my new book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds. The following addresses them in light of the U.S. election. After all, the way we show up in one part of our life is how we show up in all parts of our lives.

The result of the U.S. election shocked most of the people in my world.

Many weren’t surprised, but the scale of the victory, the harsh reality of it, and thinking about the chaos that is likely to unfold over the next four years, left many people reeling.

In the early hours last Wednesday, I scrunched up in a ball in bed, wondering, “How could that many people vote for such a despicable person?” How can people with common sense overlook his narcissism, racism, lies, contempt for women, bullying, and scapegoating, and that’s just for starters.

And yet, he won. I don’t think this election was as shocking as 2016 when he won despite ample evidence of moral failing that had historically killed the chances of previous politicians.

In the post-mortem to 2016, the mainstream media and pollsters became aware they had not listened to people who lived in rural America or those regarded as low skilled or working class. Namely, the average person.

So how did the Democrats screw it up again?

I believe there was a glaring mismatch between a perception of how the world should be, and the reality for millions of Americans who felt disrespected, betrayed, and ignored by government at all levels, corporations, and the smarty pants set. All in all—“the elites.”

“This (result) is the revenge of the regular old working class American, the anonymous American, who has been crushed, insulted, condescended to,” commentator and writer Scott Jennings said on CNN.

“They’re not garbage, they’re not Nazis. They’re just regular working people who get up and go to work every day and try to make a better life for their kids, and they feel like they’ve been told to just shut up when they have been complained about the things that have are hurting them in their own lives.”

David Brooks of the New York Times wrote that government and economic policy created a chasm between the college and high school graduates. The latter die nine years sooner, are more likely to be obese, marry less, divorce more, and die of opioid overdoses at six times the rate. Another writer considered liberal said the Democrats were worried about pronouns while many people worried about feeding their kids.

How many times have we looked back at some calamity and slapped our foreheads in exasperation: How did we not see this coming?

It’s shocking how many times a woman is killed by a man whose many threats were downplayed by authorities, an accident happens despite evidence of neglect, or a fire erupts in an area long known to be combustible.

Preventative or “right” action, as the Buddhists say, is not taken when what’s occurring doesn’t conform to our perceptions. The problem isn’t a lack of awareness. The problem is that the reality doesn’t conform to our perceptions of how the world is and should be. If the reality of the circumstances we encounter doesn’t match our perceptions, we disregard, dismiss or rationalize it.

This is one reason why transformation is so difficult; changing perceptions that are developed over a lifetime is a mammoth task.

Unfortunately, it’s almost a universal law that it’s not until we suffer a crisis, and our perceptions are examined more clearly that we change our behaviours. To me, the election result is a crisis that will cause tremendous suffering, but I’m hoping it also leads to genuine change.

As a wise friend said, “I never learned anything on a good day.”

Without awareness, there is no change. Without awareness of our perceptions, we are also stuck; we remain hijacked by our conditioning and our past and we resist. We live in reactivity, doing what we’ve always done.

Or we can choose to be receptive to the experience of others. We don’t need to agree, condone or approve. But we can be open to what they are feeling and saying, and just take it in. As humans, one of our deepest needs is to be fully heard. Telling someone they are wrong and their views are wrong changes nothing. When we don’t feel heard, the divide between us gets wider.

I believe this starts at the individual level. If I truly listen to someone, whose views may clash considerably with mine, I provide that person with an opportunity to express his or her individuality, rather than spout the script of the movement and the charismatic leader.

I might not change my immediate position, but rather than be blinded by perception, I may now have deeper understanding that leads to change. The deep chasm between ideologies and living realities won’t be bridged until we see each other more clearly.

I’d love to hear your viewpoint. Please send an email to tim@oconnorgolf.ca or to Substack notes.

And if you’re interested in coaching, workshops for your club or organization, send me an email. I invite you to check out www.oconnorgolf.ca.

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