Today’s newsletter follows yesterday’s newsletter that advocates for having a higher purpose for your golf, and even for your life.
This is an edited excerpt from a chapter in my book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds.
According to golf culture, “good golfers” ascend to sublime levels of happiness.
I’ve been awaiting to ascend for about 40 years, but I still find myself fighting the occasional impulse to helicopter a misbehaving putter into a pond.
I’ve met several touring pros and plus-handicap golfers who are self-absorbed cranks who remind me of a bylaw officer inspecting your new fence for a design violation.
You and I can be the nicest people you’d ever want to meet, but everyone gets triggered. We often find ourselves deep in rabbit holes of circular thinking and feelings of confusion and even despair, sometimes for days, weeks or even a season.
It’s not uncommon to hear an amateur golfer say, “I’m glad I don’t have to rely on my golf to make a living.” Nevertheless, we often act as if our house was on the line. It’s ridiculous.
But I don’t care if you’re the Dalia Lama or Eckhart Tolle, if you have golf in your soul, this game is going to piss you off and torture you.
I am constantly asked, “How do I shut all the noise off in my head?” “How do I get out of these cycles of bad golf?” “What do I have to do so golf is not so damn frustrating?”
It’s not from perfecting your backswing. I’ve been down that road.
My experience is that golfers have more fun, suffer fewer meltdowns and move forward when they have a strong vision for themselves—when they’ve determined what’s truly important to them, where they are going, and how to get there.
In winning the PGA Championship for his third major, Scottie Scheffler talked about how he always tries “to lean as much as I can on my mind. I think that’s probably my greatest strength.”
I think Scheffler’s other strength is the foundation for his life: family and faith. With that solid grounding, I believe he’s not as prone to a racing mind or roller-coaster emotions.
After winning the 2024 Masters, Scheffler said golf was maybe his fourth priority, calling it “an endlessly not-satisfying career.
“All I can think about right now is getting home … I think that’s what the human heart does. You always want more, and I think you have to fight those things and focus on what’s good.”
Without the foundation of a mission, it’s far too easy to become embroiled in your personal drama, chained to your past behaviours, and succumbing to the non-stop thoughts pinging around your noggin.
It’s my conviction that if you’re going to move forward consciously in your golf and life—whether you’re a passionate once-a-week player or a tour professional—you must have a mission.
Generally, a mission statement defines what’s important to you and guides you in making decisions on the actions you take.
Of course, most people don’t have one, never have and never will.
But let me ask: Do you want to drift through life or choose your path?
Without a mission, I argue that you’ll be perennially dissatisfied, seeking and prone to trying anything when things go south.
This constant seeking keeps you in a chronic state of disequilibrium, disconnection from your body, and looking for answers outside of your own experience. This is the path of mediocrity.
A mission articulates your higher purpose. A mission serves as your personal lighthouse. When you are tossed around by your inevitable stumbles, slumps and disappointments, your mission keeps you moving toward your destination.
In his book Redirect, social scientist Timothy D. Wilson writes that a mission provides us with a good narrative. “People who have such a narrative—who feel in control of their lives, have goals of their own choosing, and make progress toward those goals—are happier than people who do not … The important thing is to pursue goals that give us a sense of autonomy, effectiveness, and mastery.”
Having a higher purpose is a crucial factor for being more resilient to stress, according to a 2007 research paper on highly resilient individuals titled “6 Keys to Resilience for PTSD and Everyday Stress.”
The authors noted that a higher purpose allows you to focus on what is essential rather than being distracted by circumstances. These could include a flubbed shot, a few bad holes, an annoying partner, or an angry spouse or cranky co-worker.
For example, a higher purpose for a golf season could be in a one-line statement such as:
“I am committed to learning how to hit my irons solidly this season.”
“I accept wherever the ball goes.”
“I play with creativity and freedom.”
“My focus is always on the shot that I face; never in the future, nor the past.”
“My ideal round is to be grateful for purely struck shots and my partners.”
“Every round is an opportunity to learn more about myself.”
“I am committed to the plan my coach and I have worked out.”
Or you can go bigger than golf. My mission is:
“As a compassionate and intentional man, I create a world where people can be their true selves.”
I asked some friends who are golf nerds for their missions. (All are members of the ManKind Project.)
The following are their missions:
“I create a world of harmony and connection by being curious instead of critical.”
“I create a world where all life is sacred by loving myself and living on my edge.”
“My mission is to alleviate suffering—I do that primarily by helping heal the hearts of men and women.”
“I create a world of unconditional love, abundance and connection by sharing and embracing my truth.”
The vision and actions in these statements are big and bold, eh? You might even say over the top. But as some wag said in paraphrasing a hallowed quote: aim for the moon so you don’t catch your pants on the fence.
I also believe that having a defined higher purpose helps us shoot higher, score lower and be part of something bigger than ourselves.
I provide some context and a process for determining your mission in my book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds available on Amazon.
I’m delivering my Getting Unstuck workshop at clubs around Ontario. If you’re interested in having a workshop or a public speaker at your club or course, drop me a line to tim@oconnorgolf.ca.
If you’ve ever considered mental game coaching, I’m inviting you to take the opportunity for a FREE 30-minute coaching call.
During this free session, we’ll discuss:
· What’s happening in your game?
· What are your objectives?
· What specifically makes you feel stuck?
· Identify actions and a plan that you help you get unstuck.
This FREE session will show you how to finally start moving forward.
To register for your free session, send an email to tim@oconnorgolf.ca.
Don’t miss your opportunity to get unstuck and develop your feeling of greatness!
Sim Weekly
Dive into the world of indoor golf with Sim Weekly. From setting up your perfect home sim and getting expert installation tips, to in-depth product reviews and practical advice for honing your skills at home, we’ve got you covered. Plus, enjoy fun content, exclusive giveaways, and more. Join 1k+ golfers elevating their indoor game.